Forgiveness doesn’t mean what she did to you was alright. It doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to hurt every now and then because of what happened. Travelling across an ocean for love only to discover that she was cheating you before, during and after the trip is bound to leave scars. You’re only human.
Are you over the break-up? Yes, you got over that remarkably quickly but that was because you were honest about what the relationship involved. For you staying friends even if it didn’t work out was still a positive result. In fact the friendship is what you treasured more than anything and that’s what you grieve. That’s what you miss. It’s the way you’re wired. When you truly commit to a friendship you’re all in regardless of what happens. You’re grieving the loss of a friendship like you still grieve the loss of others. Time doesn’t heal wounds. Grieving does. When the grief is done, then you can heal. You don’t give up on people. That’s your problem. You don’t know when to cut loose and you’re a glutton for punishment. Too trusting, too giving, too caring, too open and too honest. Even when it was obviously the right thing to do it still bugs you to have to do it.
Someone who was content to lie to you about matters of fundamental importance such as fidelity in relationships is probably not going to have any major qualms about lying to you concerning the future of the friendship when all has been laid bare. Of all the emotions you felt as a part of this anger made up probably 1% at most if even that. Disappointment, hurt, pain and a throbbing numbness were the cold, blank four walls of the room where you tried to piece back together your heart. It was alright to feel angry if you couldn’t even do it yourself at the time.
Life’s a bitch sometimes. Get used to it. Learn the lessons. You still haven’t. You don’t want to either. You’re afraid to because the risk of getting burnt when you play with fire is better than no warmth at all. There’s a reason adults tell children not to play with fire. Remember that.