I want…

Originally posted June 2008. Damn but I’m feeling very lonely of late. Interesting to see what has and hasn’t changed from this more recent post

I want someone to pray with. A passionate woman whose love for God far surpasses any love she will ever have for me. I want a woman who challenges my faith and causes me to grow. She will force me to defend why I think what I think and make me a better man because of that. She will love people because God has loved her first. She will have a servant heart and will share her faith willingly even though it won’t need to be shared because it will radiate from her. She will see the Body of Christ reunited living for His Kingdom and His Glory. She will accept nothing less from me than a devotion to God as strong as her own. I want her living for His Glory.

I want someone to dance with. I want a woman who would rather dance than talk with me. I want to move in time to music that is only in our heads on a beach at midnight, beneath still silver moonlight as waves lap gently on the shore. I want to have my hand around her back cusping the side of her breast, as her head nuzzles my chest while our legs flick left and right before slow sliding ochos on the floor in an intricate dance that leads to more. I want someone who dances in worship not caring that people look but happy to be dancing for a smile from up above. I want someone who swings in and out as we lift and shout hey to an audience that looks on with billowing dresses and tilted hats surrounding and clapping as we take our turn to own the floor. I want to spy on her as she dances only for herself in front of a mirror when no-one else is watching. When she moves because she wants to move.

I want someone to run with. I want to see her hair and dress trailing in the wind as I see her footprints flash by in the mud. Her gleeful screams filling the air like a joyful melody. Through woods and fields. Laughing in the Sun. Walking through shoulder high grass and rolling around with kisses and whispers galore. She takes out pencil and paper and begins to draw her bare feet and mine. I recite her favourite poem. The one I know from memory. Her favourite that isn’t written by me. We lie down next to one another and the only sound is content beating hearts as we watch wisps of cloud flit by in an altogether beautiful sky.

I want someone to celebrate with. When I come off the pitch she is there to hug me soaking wet and muddy though I may be. I can be happy for her because I was there from beginning to end. I want to smile when she succeeds. I want to lift her up and spin her around while kissing her when I do well. I want to win and be happy and have someone to jump around with. I want to cry tears of joy with her and wipe them away as I whisper “I knew you could do it.”

I want someone to debate with. I want to see her obstinate face refusing to budge just when I thought I clinched the argument. I want to talk about politics, democracy, theology and philosophy. I want someone who has read books I haven’t and disagrees with me because she has considered her views thoroughly. I want to chat with her and then realise I hadn’t thought of an issue in that light before. I want her mind to be like mine. Open, inquisitive and eager to learn. Never dismissing without reasoned debate. I want a mind that is strong. That has as many useless facts as I do in it.

I want someone to love life with. I want to stand behind her and see the wheels in her head turning as she gazes on a painting. I want to try new food with her. I want to close my eyes as she plays music. I want to be her inspiration as she paints. I want her to take surreptitious photos of me when I’m not looking. I want her to tease me for being a prohibitionist as I tease her for being an alcoholic. I want someone who leans forward when watching a piece of dance she’s interested in.

I want someone to hold me. With her gentle hands, lips and fresh smelling hair. To tell me it’s alright. To know when she should hold me and when she shouldn’t. I want to cradle her in my arms and wipe away her tears. I want to be there for her and save her day. I want to spend a lazy day on the couch with her in my arms as the rain gently hits the window. I want to lie my head on her lap and have silence fill the room because we are both content.

I want someone to tell me to cop myself on. To kick me up the backside when I need it and especially when I don’t want it. To care enough for me that she is cruel to be kind. To tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself and get off my ass and do something about it. To get me to stop thinking and to start doing. To be strong enough for our marriage when I can’t be even if we have to take turns at it.

I want someone beautiful. I want to get lost in her eyes. I want to be talking and trail off because she turned, was caught in sunlight and I was lost for words. I want her eyes to sparkle and twinkle. I want her to give me a smile that no-one else sees. I want my soccer team to ask if she has any sisters. I want to look at her sleeping with a satisfied little smile on her face and wonder why did God give me such a beautiful woman as my wife.

I want someone to make love to. To have her shut the door and make her way towards me. To embrace passionately. To spend an entire day on a seduction that starts the moment she leaves the house. To taste her, to kiss her and to know that the wait was worth it. To wake in the morning with her and call in sick for her. To have only darkness, beating hearts and heavy breathing. To walk through the front door and have her leap onto me as she wraps her legs around my waist and kisses my open mouth with arms clutching my back. To stay in bed an extra five minutes because her scent lingers in the sheets.

I want someone to grow old with. To make fun of young kids at church with. To look after nieces and nephews. To take to my family and make it feel her own with. To have a family with her. To have my Nana tell her the story of how my GranDad seduced her. To argue and fight with and still realise we love each other. To tease her as she goes grey and be teased as I go bald.

I want to give her up to God.

I want to say your plans are enough

And Your love is enough for me but most of all

I will make sure I am good enough for her.

I want to deserve that someone.