Archive for April, 2010

Friday Funny #5

Why do Americans subtitle stuff so much? ;-)

Ice-Cream Temptation

Right now I want ice-cream.

Well I just don’t want ice-cream.

I want some Club Orange, either Haribo Gummi/Gold Bears or Maynards Wine Gums. If I’m feeling particularly overworked, unloved, greedy hungry I may even go for some Doritos Tangy Cheese

I really like one particular flavour: Strawberry Cheesecake.

My favourite of all time, thus far, has been the variety I found in Baskin & Robbins. However their tub offering that’s made it to this part of the world is poor. The strawberry is poor and the ice-cream is that cheap vanilla variety.

I became partial to the kind from Ben and Jerrys but in the mean time I think Haagen Daaz changed their offering and I really like that too. It’s different but still wonderful on the tongue.

Anyway, this is all immaterial to the thought process going on in my head right now:

[Interlude to the interior of my mind]

I really want some ice-cream

No, I can’t eat ice-cream it’ll make me fat.

It won’t really and you deserve it any way.

Yes, it fecking will.

Well, you didn’t eat a proper lunch today so it can count as your third meal.

That’s beside the point. I want to get to a healthier weight and eating ice-cream will not accomplish that.

But why do you want to get to a healthier weight? Are your motivations pure in this? Isn’t this just idolatry?

Well one shouldn’t want to be in shape just to attract a hypothetical partner. It’s to do with fitness and health overall. To use one analogy our bodies are the temples of the Holy Spirit so we should take care of them.

Ah so, it’s not to do with idolatry it’s to do with deep rooted insecurities about your status as a man in the world and your physical capabilities with reference to the men you see on TV?

Well every guy just likes to be in shape but I think I’m above those shallow comparisons hopefully… And isn’t indulging in some ice-cream and other junk food really just gluttony?

Hey man, your entire First World, Western existence is a daily sacrifice at the altar of gluttony if you’re going to use that argument. How much can some ice-cream hurt?

I’ve had a tough time of it lately…

You have, you have. You deserve some TLC and some ice-cream lovin’

And some Gummi bears would be nice too…

But the (my brother’s) wedding is in a month and I’m the best man. I need to be in shape

So it is about finding a woman!

It’s not sinful to want to look your best for pictures that people will be looking at for the next 50 years.

Start next week. It’s not like you’ve had a great fitness regime this week any way. Might as well make a proper start of it from Monday.

Yeah, well it’s Denise’s birthday meal tomorrow so we’re eating out for that. And then on Saturday it’ll be the meeting with the usual food and sounds like roast dinner with the parents on Sunday. Not exactly a dieting week to be fair…

How much to you like Ben and Jerry’s Strawberry Cheesecake flavour ice-cream?

A lot…

Would it be so bad to just have a few spoonfuls?

That’s bollox. I’ve never once eaten half of those things. Tub open. Tub empty, like.

That’s true. You’re 100% committed in everything you do. You bought that ice-cream though. It’s sitting in the freezer outside. Why is it there? To look pretty?

Half-price sale man. Couldn’t pass that up. I like ice-cream and the way to approach it is to use it sparingly and in moderation at appropriate times. My whole allowed junkfood on Sunday approach has worked for me in the past. We’ll keep at it for now.

Fair enough I suppose…

That said though…

Yes?

I really want some ice-cream

Redemption starts here

Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.

It was down the pub afterwards that my friend said it: “It was like our new beginning started here.” I may be a young member of my soccer club but I think you’d be hard pressed to find a more difficult year in our history. At the end of the day, to use that well worn cliche, a sports club is judged by what it does on the field of play. And by any measure on the field of play we were a disaster. It doesn’t matter if you’re playing at a grade one level below professional players. Nobody likes to lose and nobody likes to lose week in and week out on heavy scorelines.

We won a scrappy game of soccer by one goal to nil. It wasn’t a pretty game by any means. We were already relegated and they couldn’t win the league. It wasn’t their best team but we didn’t mind. A 17 game losing streak was ended on the last game of the season. The goal we scored wasn’t even that great. Long ball from the keeper headed on and our left midfielder ran on and buried it. In other games lady luck had deserted us. In other games all our effort and toil had been for naught. In this game though we deserved everything we got.

You can do everything right and get nothing in life. A lot of the time you get more than you deserve from life. Lately though it has felt like whatever about justice in one life it is denied because it is ever so delayed. But on a typically overcast day in an Irish April; on a pitch that was hard underfoot; in a game that mattered to hardly anyone in the world a group of twelve players put their first three points on the board in their last game of the season.

And one guy felt warmth on his face even when there was no Sun to be seen.

This is your life…

Constant pain in your head. Collapsing when walking around the house. Dizziness. Can’t get to sleep because of the pain at night. Go on the new medication and sleep for 16 hours. Wasted day. Wasted life.

Put the dirty plates in the dishwasher. Wipe down the work tops. Put away the debris from the morning run around. See the plates my brother left around the place. Wonder why he always does that and wonder why I always pick up after him. Wonder why it’s so important to me that the place is neat and tidy. Wonder what it says about my neuroses.

Part of it is small victories. Sometimes the only victory is that you got out of bed this morning. Sometimes you get straight out of bed. Other times you lie on the floor for a time wondering when the pain will stop.

You play soccer. You know that if you’re able to run around chasing a ball you should be able to sit at a desk but it’s not that simple. The two to three hours it costs in pain afterwards; the light headedness during; and the fact you play anything from 30% – 50% below your normal level should point to something. You know that if you stop playing soccer that’s the day you become suicidal.

You have your to do lists. You don’t get through them. It’s annoying to have to lie down. Lying down relieves the pain somewhat but only makes you feel worthless because the pain becomes a manageable level which makes you feel like you should be able to sit up, stand up and be productive.

You feel like losing it. You’ve lost it once already in eight weeks which isn’t that bad really. Other people would probably have lost it more. You’ve had this thing over six years now. It shouldn’t be that big a deal you feel. You feel you should have learnt how to manage it by now. The whole point of debilitating conditions though is that they are debilitating even when you learn how to manage them.

Wasted day.

Wasted life.

Wasted Day.

Linkie Goodness #10

funny pictures of cats with captions
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It’s ok to just be a Christian

By the way you forward really stupid, ridiculous emails to one another…and if you refuse to forward them to everyone you have in your contact list then you don’t love me

A great post on the dangers of a duck as a pet

funny graphs and charts
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There are honest people in some sports

Interesting observations on medical stuff

I love the Southern granny in this story Jon Acuff uses to talk about grace

Woulda. Coulda. Shoulda

Who knew the volcano was on Facebook?

Top Ten Ways your toddler is like a drunk

William Lane Craig on five problems for Calvinists

25 examples of unintentional porn

With great cleavage comes great responsibility

Interesting counting game from the Sudan

funny graphs and charts
see more Funny Graphs

In China they’re using heavy artillery to deal with the smells emanating from landfill sites

Interesting article on lobbyist spend in Washington and Brussels

Pretty much sums up my opinion on the niqab

Do you check Facebook during intimate moments? Can you imagine the status messages?

Marge Simpson as the continent of Europe

Significance of different colours in different cultures

What a wonderful world. Death Metal version (HT: Abraham Piper)

One of my current favourite ads

Friday Funny #4

I like lego. I like Star Wars. I may have commenced a life long addiction

Yes that was all me but Lego provided the parts and instructions. Be interested in captions for this one if you’re feeling creative:

Music Moods

Mongolian throat singing. I loves it!


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