Wake up in the morning feeling

a pain in my head

Last week wasn’t so bad.

In fact last week I thought they were almost completely gone

which is why I thought I could make it into work this week

but I couldn’t get to sleep for three hours on Sunday night

because of the pain

so when I woke up Monday morning

after less than four hours sleep

the drowsiness effect from the medication was in full swing

and the pain was bad too

so I stayed at home.

I got up later just before 12

and managed to have a productive day

and then I felt annoyed with myself

because of the things I had gotten done

that surely meant I could have went to work that day.

Later in the day the pain got very bad

so I had to lie down

and accept my human fallibility and weakness

and wonder what is wrong with me again

and why I can do A, B and C

but not X, Y and Z

and wonder what life holds for me

and how I manage a career when I can’t work in the office.

I also wonder how this would look to someone who thought I was faking it

and don’t want to contemplate the possibility that I’m labelled as a faker

and find some cold solace in the fact that my doctor

said a condition like mine was complex with physical and psychological factors

and that the best thing to do was stay active

and have a regular routine

that should mimic my normal routine as best it can.

and I remind myself that my boss told me

he didn’t want me in the office

in case I fell down the stairs

which is reasonable

but I’m going to get that in writing

just in case.

I remind myself the best way to treat loneliness and tendency to feel a bit down

is to socialise with groups of people

and that by giving into this

by staying at home on my own

not going out

not trying to stay fit

not trying to meet people for coffee on a regular basis

not involving myself in things

would probably have me dead before long.

That’s why I try to do all of those things

even if I do fall down around the house

even if it means I struggle to operate fully

even if I have to lie down at times

even with the pain

‘cos the alternative is worse.

I have a good life

even with the

mild to moderate pain

all day

everyday

falling down

dizziness and nausea

There are things to be thankful for

Family

Friends

Stability and security

Health (for the most part)

Food on the table.

Hopefully tomorrow

I’ll make it to work in the morning

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1 Response to “Wake up in the morning feeling”


  1. 1 Karita Thursday, 20 May 2010 at 09:46

    Have you been to occupational health? They can be totally rubbish, but they could also make a proviso for you to be able to work from home when the pain/falling down get bad? If it’s from occy health it would cover you in terms of job security. They did it for me, when my head is in a certain way I can work from home, no questions asked, so long as the work does get done.


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