Archive for October, 2010


Do you ever think about how much a person can tolerate? Do you ever look at someone and wonder how they can put up with that person or that situation? I’m a firm believer in the little things. Taking care of the little things means people can get over the crushing mess that threatens to overwhelm them and stick it out that little bit longer.

Read this recently. It may be with the rose tinted glasses of hindsight but when I see big Christian movements like this talking about stuff that I’ve tried to implement in my life over the past few years it makes me wonder how different life could have been.

Maybe I’m crazy but this just seems like a no brainer for me when it comes to Christian believers. Shouldn’t we be living our lives in such a way that asking the hard questions is normal? Isn’t iron meant to sharpen iron? Maybe it’s me. I might just be an incredibly difficult person to approach. I like to think I’m not but perhaps experience is telling me different. Sometimes there is a truth but it’s just too difficult to see or too hurtful to communicate. I know that feeling in my own life. I love you too much to tell you.

When someone asks you ‘Why?’ they’re not looking for a reason for what happened. They’re asking why did you hurt them. They’re asking why are you doing this to me. Why in this context isn’t a question but more a cry of pain and there’s no real way for it to be answered properly. Sometimes you wish you could make a person understand but there’s no way for you to do so because what you’ve done is incomprehensible.

But there’s always the question of if a person had met you where you were at would things have been any different?


So crazy it just might work

There are things in my life that I know I enjoy doing. It has suddenly struck me that perhaps I should start doing them again. Life had become too much of stuff that isn’t fun any more. I was mad busy with areas of life that I enjoy but recently they had stopped being fun. The areas of life are areas that I enjoy and am committed to but there has been a lot of ‘Why do I bother?’ things happening that have made it difficult to enjoy of late. There’s a reason we do what we like to do and with me there’s stuff I’m going to try to focus on more over time.

I always miss it. When I stop I hate the fact I’ve stopped. One of my biggest regrets is not maintaining blogging on a regular basis. I had decent audiences on two blogs, one after the other, and I often wonder what might have been if I hadn’t moved once a year. It’s people I’ve come to know through blogging who seem to have been steadfast in terms of friendships over the years. It’s easier to maintain a virtual friendship in a lot of ways if that’s all the relationship has known. You may move across cities and countries but your email address is always there.
I see it on friends’ blogs who stayed in the same spot and just kept blogging away. They have proper little online villages where people share their pain, their ups and downs, and all what life has to throw at them. People are interested in what they have to say and it’s hard not to be drawn to that.
For me, blogging was always a way of sorting out the stuff in my head. It may have its drawbacks as a coping mechanism but it’s much healthier than other coping mechanisms I seem to have turned to over the past while. I grow ever older and can’t get away with eating all the junk food I used to. I swapped writing/blogging and exercise for eating junk food and solo sex which is never really a good idea. I don’t know what to expect and you will probably know that it’s hit and miss as to whether I’ll keep blogging but I’m going to let myself do so over the next while. I miss it too much not to.

I’ve got the bug and I’ve got an expensive camera that I don’t want to be a prop or an ornament sitting at home. I am using it but I need more time to become familiar with it. I do enjoy capturing moments though. I’ve always liked smartly taken images and now I have the chance to take some of my own.

I miss this but there is no way I can commit to it while soccer is on.

Debating/Public Speaking
I’ve been reading a few blogs by communication specialists or presenters and it’s really bugging me that I’ve no avenue to pursue this right now. Speaking in front of crowds has never been a big deal for me. I get a buzz out of it. I love making people laugh and making people think. See I tend to put a lot of things on the back burner. I eventually deal with them or get them sorted but there’s nothing like speaking about an issue in front of a bunch of people to make you sure you know what you’re talking about. It’ll drive you to further research and get something properly sorted in your head. I guess I knew I was good at it and I just miss it.

We’ll see where the future takes me but ideally in the next while I’d spend some time working on all of the above. And maybe I’ll be a slightly happier person for doing so :-)

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