Archive for the 'Life the Universe and Everything' Category

Legacies

I can’t help but be struck by recent events about what’s appropriate behaviour and what isn’t. In my experience common sense isn’t all that common. So often on training courses they go through procedures and expected behaviour and the thought that immediately flits through my head is “They have to explicitly mention this! How stupid are some of these people?” And then of course you realise that the reason it’s explicitly stated is because so many people get it wrong so often. And that’s why there’s training courses on this stuff.

It doesn’t matter what age you are or gender. For me the link between maturity and age was shattered a long time ago. Probably when the first person told me I couldn’t do something because of what age I happened to be and then acted like a child in front of my class mates and me.

I guess what’s struck me recently is just how much crap I’ve had to deal with over the past twelve months or so. Sometimes when things go wrong in our lives it’s because of circumstances outside our control. The death of a loved one in a car accident. A sudden illness or loss of a job. And then there’s things that go wrong because someone didn’t do what they were supposed to do or acted exactly as they always have. And the crap in my life has been in the latter category. It’s amazing because it can become so frustrating.

It does get you down. I didn’t realise how much it got me down until recently. What’s brought it home more than anything is when someone from the outside looking in has said how people involved aren’t doing what they should be doing. That can boost my mood for days. It gives me hope. Yeah there is a pile of crap going on but I’m getting through it and still achieving. Maybe not as much as I’d like but other people recognize it.

In relationships and in life, rightly or wrongly, we are judged by other people. History is merely the opinion of those who are around long after we have gone. The question I always ask myself is a simple one. “Is the world better because I lived today? The Bible says we shall know ministers by their fruits. Leaders are judged on their results. The proof is in the pudding. I’m very young to be thinking about legacies but you never know what lies ahead of you. What’s your legacy?

There’s a myth that picturing where you want to be will help you get there. I will be successful and will reach my dream. For most of us that’s not the case. It’s much better to harness the power of regret. How bad will I feel if eat this junk food? How bad will I feel if I skip the gym and mess up my workout routine? If you have a spare moment consider what you’d like to be said at your eulogy or on your tombstone. It’s a great way of focusing the mind.

It’s when I think about the legacy left by other people. The ones causing so much stress to everyone around me that I feel a twinge of melancholy. What is their legacy?

On being content

Watch the video above. The guy became something of an Internet celebrity for obvious reasons but the thing that has struck me is just how happy he is. He’s doing something he loves and he obviously enjoys it.

In my life I’m involved in things I love; it’s just they all decided to go horribly wrong and be stressful all at the same time. No-one said that a quiet life didn’t have to be earned of course but this video got me thinking.

I’m in a career that I chose and that I love.

I’m in a job that I had a degree of choice in and I enjoy the challenge it offers.

In soccer I’m doing something I love despite all the frustrations

I’m studying something I love and find interesting

My living situation is pretty much ideal given the circumstances. Couldn’t hope for any more.

That DJ might be on a bit of happy juice but I just wonder what I’ll be like when everything finally falls into place.

Musing

2006 was the best year of my life in so many ways. 2007 was crap as was 2008. 2009 sucked a lot too and 2010 has just been an incredibly tough year as well. It might be tempting fate but 2011 could be a really good year and it’s due to a lot of hard work laid in the previous years. I feel like I’m owed one but then life isn’t about getting what you deserve.

At work I’m in a spot that gives me a lot more autonomy and the opportunity to make an impression whether good or bad over the coming while. I also have a few plans with my Masters that could raise my stock with high up people in my organisation in addition to accomplishing the goal of acutally completing a substantial piece of research in my own right. In the best case scenario the dissertation gets a slight reworking and published in a journal or two. That would be super awesome.

With regard to soccer there’s the playing side and the admin side. I don’t know about the playing side of things. Outside of my control. No matter what I do it doesn’t seem to get me into contention. Keep at it. Things might yet turn around. On the admin side things will turn around. Just a matter of when. Pretty sure I want to take it over. Run it properly for a while. I thrive on that kind of thing.

God stuff – I honestly don’t know. I often thought that a failure to act would never exacerbate an underlying issues but sometimes they’re connected so the failure to act is the critical issue in a lot of ways. Flailing around trying to find a place in some sort of faith community isn’t a good way to be. Of course if you’re doubting the existence of a god you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be I suppose. It’s crazy when I think about it in a lot of ways. Merits a post in its own right to sort it all out in my own head.

Personally I definitely need a long holiday and break away from things. Be nice to find a girl in 2011 but between the spiritual stuff and the damage from previous relationships that seems to surface the more I try to move past it I’m not really sure how that’s going to work out.

I’d really like to get better at the photography thing in the next 12 months. Would also like to improve my Irish and German. Get properly fit. I finally figured out where I can do chin ups. Off the washing line pole. Close to home and convenient and not likely to break on me. It’s a point I’ve touched on in the past but I’m struck by how much you can become like the people you surround yourself with. Ideally what I need is one or two more fitness inclined, politically interested guys my own age who like to debate intellectual questions and have a laugh every now and then.

We’ll see

Need to keep going…

via Fortify Your Oasis

Friendship

Do you ever think about how much a person can tolerate? Do you ever look at someone and wonder how they can put up with that person or that situation? I’m a firm believer in the little things. Taking care of the little things means people can get over the crushing mess that threatens to overwhelm them and stick it out that little bit longer.

Read this recently. It may be with the rose tinted glasses of hindsight but when I see big Christian movements like this talking about stuff that I’ve tried to implement in my life over the past few years it makes me wonder how different life could have been.

Maybe I’m crazy but this just seems like a no brainer for me when it comes to Christian believers. Shouldn’t we be living our lives in such a way that asking the hard questions is normal? Isn’t iron meant to sharpen iron? Maybe it’s me. I might just be an incredibly difficult person to approach. I like to think I’m not but perhaps experience is telling me different. Sometimes there is a truth but it’s just too difficult to see or too hurtful to communicate. I know that feeling in my own life. I love you too much to tell you.

When someone asks you ‘Why?’ they’re not looking for a reason for what happened. They’re asking why did you hurt them. They’re asking why are you doing this to me. Why in this context isn’t a question but more a cry of pain and there’s no real way for it to be answered properly. Sometimes you wish you could make a person understand but there’s no way for you to do so because what you’ve done is incomprehensible.

But there’s always the question of if a person had met you where you were at would things have been any different?

So crazy it just might work

There are things in my life that I know I enjoy doing. It has suddenly struck me that perhaps I should start doing them again. Life had become too much of stuff that isn’t fun any more. I was mad busy with areas of life that I enjoy but recently they had stopped being fun. The areas of life are areas that I enjoy and am committed to but there has been a lot of ‘Why do I bother?’ things happening that have made it difficult to enjoy of late. There’s a reason we do what we like to do and with me there’s stuff I’m going to try to focus on more over time.

Blogging
I always miss it. When I stop I hate the fact I’ve stopped. One of my biggest regrets is not maintaining blogging on a regular basis. I had decent audiences on two blogs, one after the other, and I often wonder what might have been if I hadn’t moved once a year. It’s people I’ve come to know through blogging who seem to have been steadfast in terms of friendships over the years. It’s easier to maintain a virtual friendship in a lot of ways if that’s all the relationship has known. You may move across cities and countries but your email address is always there.
I see it on friends’ blogs who stayed in the same spot and just kept blogging away. They have proper little online villages where people share their pain, their ups and downs, and all what life has to throw at them. People are interested in what they have to say and it’s hard not to be drawn to that.
For me, blogging was always a way of sorting out the stuff in my head. It may have its drawbacks as a coping mechanism but it’s much healthier than other coping mechanisms I seem to have turned to over the past while. I grow ever older and can’t get away with eating all the junk food I used to. I swapped writing/blogging and exercise for eating junk food and solo sex which is never really a good idea. I don’t know what to expect and you will probably know that it’s hit and miss as to whether I’ll keep blogging but I’m going to let myself do so over the next while. I miss it too much not to.

Photography
I’ve got the bug and I’ve got an expensive camera that I don’t want to be a prop or an ornament sitting at home. I am using it but I need more time to become familiar with it. I do enjoy capturing moments though. I’ve always liked smartly taken images and now I have the chance to take some of my own.

Dancing
I miss this but there is no way I can commit to it while soccer is on.

Debating/Public Speaking
I’ve been reading a few blogs by communication specialists or presenters and it’s really bugging me that I’ve no avenue to pursue this right now. Speaking in front of crowds has never been a big deal for me. I get a buzz out of it. I love making people laugh and making people think. See I tend to put a lot of things on the back burner. I eventually deal with them or get them sorted but there’s nothing like speaking about an issue in front of a bunch of people to make you sure you know what you’re talking about. It’ll drive you to further research and get something properly sorted in your head. I guess I knew I was good at it and I just miss it.

We’ll see where the future takes me but ideally in the next while I’d spend some time working on all of the above. And maybe I’ll be a slightly happier person for doing so :-)

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